My weekend was a pleasant change from chores to simply visiting lovely friends and family. It was indeed hectic and our return to the chaos of our home on Sunday night sent me into a mild panic. So out of the goodness of Rich’s heart he worked into the early hours of the morning helping me get things a little more organised.

For the last two weeks, I have been questioning why we spend money? Why status is tied up in stuff? Why we want more than we can afford? So a book that I picked up just before Christmas I have since now bought and started reading it. My mind is racing with ideas of hope, change, raising the bar and a general disgust with what we have gently accepted as right when is comes to consumerism. Judith Levine’s book ‘Not buying it’ is a political and social insight into our consumerist society. BS has been my sounding buddy, as she feels the same, so here I am hoping to lead by example, even though it is far from comfortable. But I no longer want an entitlement attitude to stuff or why I spend money. I simply just want to think about it, before I do it! I want to ask questions that push my comfort zone out of ‘my’ world into a more socially and globally aware attitude.

Here I am trying to see the pros in the light of being told once again our building work will have to be delayed. The start date is now the 15th April 07. However is far from being a weight of my mind, we still have to contend with waiting for our neighbours to confirm if they are starting with us or months after….I am so aware that nothing is in my hands...oh to have a least one ball in my court!

Considering the surprise parcel had the incorrect address number on it, it still got here! JG sent me a beautiful gift, a book by Wendell Berry. Already I have started to absorb page after page. The timing was perfect; a well needed distraction from my present health state. I am off to the doctor’s after putting it off for months.

Even though the air had a icy chill and our noses were red, we enjoyed wandering around Wakehurst Place. This is West Sussex answer to London’s KEW Gardens. LV and I met up with LC and HC this morning. The girls enjoyed holding hands and running on the grass and LC and I chatted away. I love spending time, getting to know LC, she is so normal, yet wise.

I have been praying each day for CS. I hope that the ski trip opens doors of encouragement.

Also did I mention, I’m tried…yet another 6.30am start after a late night!!

Well, after a brief chat to Miss CY, she recommended The Pursuit of Happyness as an uplifting film. However I sat weeping during and sometime after the film ended. The hardship of being a single parent, not being able to provide a home for your five year old and feeling exhausted by living rough was heart breaking. Ok so the ending has a beautiful echo of hope against the odds, dreams being fulfilled and perseverance, but still hard to bear. Anyway that was my Saturday evening flick with AD & SA.

We chose to take it easy on Sunday, however it was far from relaxing as Rich was so moody and snappy, and it rubbed of on my tired self, as I only managed to have five hours sleep….so by 3pm we all took ourselves of to bed for an afternoon nap and felt quite refreshed.

Well today was LV’s three hour session at nursery. Sadly it was not as successful as I hoped. LV found it very hard to interact with the other children and only felt comforted by reading on the lap of her key worker. I hated us being apart. I could see she was not herself when I arrived to collect her. She bounced back as soon as we arrived home. I feel annoyed that if she had grandparents to help with the odd hour here or there, she wouldn’t have to go to nursery. But having 2-4 hours on my own has helped so much. I had time to get things organised as I pack and look for a rented temporary home for us.

As I sit here contemplating my to-do list, I can’t help but yearn for distraction. After all, surely weekends are not just about getting things done that you can never do in the week. Who am I kidding; it is all about the food shops, washing loads and endless errands. But I have something to look forward to this eve, a girlie trip to the Cinema…what with all the award ceremony hype; we have a healthy picking of films.

It is wonderfully lush to have Rich home this weekend, especially in the light of his busy and stressful week at work…he is looking forward to the six nations kick off this afternoon.

CS visited today, she blessed me with an amazing gift. A handmade, thought filled book celebrating our friendship. I felt so loved and special, as she embraced or found endearing the things that could annoy or be misunderstood by others. My mind is now mulling over her thoughts…